


Silence Is Best

by BreeTaylor



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, High School, M/M, Mute Ray, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, tentative!Ray
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-07 20:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5470466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreeTaylor/pseuds/BreeTaylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Texas wasn’t somewhere Ray thought he would ever end up. Mute!Ray, High School AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Ray, honey, try not to stress too much today, okay?” Caitlin asked, her brow lined with worry as she glanced between him and the school. She had driven him since it was his first day, despite her home being less than a five minute walk away. She didn’t wait for his response. “You have your note, right?”

Ray reached into his pocket, pulling the small, folded paper out for her to see. “Good, great. Text me if you need anything, okay? I mean anything.” Again, Ray nodded. He tried not to flinch as she moved forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Andrew will be here after school to pick you up.”

Ray smiled weakly at her as he opened the door and stepped out into the blistering Austin sun. He took in the giant, concrete square that would confine him for the next year and a half and sighed. He wanted to be home, with his mum and his dad and his friends. But it wasn’t there anymore. Instead, he was stuck in disgustingly hot Texas, forced to start his life over half way through a school year.

Still, he was enough of a hassle already for the Gallagher’s, he wasn’t going throw teen angst on top of it all. So he did what his dad had always told him to: He held his head high and strutted into the building like he owned the place. He didn’t expect the hallways to be as hectic and crazy as they were, but as soon as he walked through the front doors of the building he was bombarded with  _loud_. It was as if a cheesy teen romcom had come to life within the school. The urge to turn and run was bigger than ever, and it took all his will power to shove it down and continue his trek to the office.

The ladies behind the desk all looked tired and annoyed, and it took Ray a good minute or so to get their attention. “Speak up, kid, or you’ll never be seen.” One of them, with large blonde hair scolded. “Can I help you?”

Ray handed her the note. With an overly dramatic sigh, she unfolded the paper. Ray watched closely as her eyes scanned the page, her expression crimpling from annoyed to pitiful. She cleared her throat and handed the note back to him. “Well then, welcome to the school. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it here. Your homeroom teacher is Mr. Gutterang.” She stood, eyes moving over Ray’s right shoulder. When he followed her gaze it was to see another student dressed in a grey hoodie that was too big for him and baggy shorts. His dark hair was sticking up at all sorts of weird angles that suggested he hadn’t bothered to brush it. If the bags under his eyes were any indication, Ray would guess he was still half asleep.

“Joel?” The secretary asked, and the guy looked up. He glanced at Ray briefly, but said nothing. “Why don’t you walk with Ray to Mr. Gutterang’s class?”

“I’m supposed to be seeing the principal.” Joel answered monotonously.

“Yes, well, I’m sure you’ll be back. It’s Ray’s first day and I think it’ll be easier for him if he had someone helping him around.” Ray swallowed thickly, looking at the annoyance on Joel’s face. He tried to shake his head, let her know he’d be fine, but she was damn good at pretending not to see. “Thank you, Mr. Heyman.”

With a heavy sigh, Joel stood. “Alright, let’s go.” He turned and started walking out of the office. With one last pleading look that the secretary ignored, Ray followed. He had to walk fairly quickly to keep up with Joel’s larger steps. “So where are you from?”

Ray tried to swallow past the growing lump in his throat, his heartbeat quickening with each ticking second that left Joel waiting for an answer. “Alright, I get the message. I’ll shut up.” Ray quickly shook his head, touching Joel’s arm lightly to get his attention as he pushed the note into his hands. “What the fuck?” Ray must’ve looked more desperate than he’d thought, because with one look at his face, Joel was unfolding the paper and scanning the words on the page. “Selective Muteness? So… you  _can_  talk, but you  _won’t_?”

Ray nodded.

“Why?” Joel asked, quickly dismissing Ray’s panic with a wave of his hand. “I don’t expect you to answer Ray, relax.” He handed the note back, and Ray slipped it back into his pocket.

“Mr. G’s pretty cool, so I don’t think he’ll give you many problems, but I can’t say the same for all of our teachers. Some of them can be assholes when they want to be.” Joel walked into room A203, moving to the back and plopping down in a chair. He once again looked as if he could fall asleep right there, his head rolling back and eyes drifting closed. Ray contemplated sitting down next to him, but he didn’t want to push himself onto the guy. He seemed like the kind of person who’d prefer to be left alone, not have the stupid mute kid trailing after him all day. He did his part, he got Ray to the classroom.

Still, it was half way through the school year. Which seats were free to sit in? The last thing he wanted to do was take someone’s seat and create a scene. As if on cue, Joel’s eyes opened and found their way to Ray. “Would you just sit down, I can feel the panic rolling off you and it’s making it really hard to fall asleep.”

With a small smile, Ray slid into the seat next to him. He pulled out his notebook, the one he had bought specifically for communicating, and wrote in his small, looped writing, a short message for Joel. He ripped off the small area of paper, folded it in half, and pushed it into one of the books on Joel’s desk.

_“I used to live in NYC. –Ray”_


	2. Chapter 2

School, it turns out, was just as shitty as Joel had warned it would be. Sure, some of his teachers were really understanding of his situation. They didn’t push it, didn’t try and force him to explain. But others? Others were assholes who  _constantly_  tried to call on him and wouldn’t bother to read his answers, instead deducting his participation. Really, there had to be some sort of rule against doing such a thing. He had a note, he wasn’t just… doing this for fun. His therapist signed it and everything. Ray was a doctor approved freak.

Still, the worst of his first week wasn’t the asshole teachers, it was everyone else. Those who actually spoke to him only did so to insult him, or laugh at him. Everyone else pretended he didn’t exist. Even Joel hadn’t said a word since the first day in homeroom, despite Ray continuing to sit in the seat right beside him. Overall, his experience at the school was worse than he could’ve ever thought it would be and he missed his parents more and more every day. He missed New York, suddenly hyper aware of how much he had taken for granted.

He didn’t say anything to Caitlin and Andrew. They may’ve took him in willingly, but it wasn’t like they had much of a choice. Family helped family, and they happened to be all he had left. He didn’t want Caitlin spending her days worrying about him, or worse yet for Andrew to show up at his school and demand his principal talk to his teachers. No, he’d make it through fine on his own. He always did.

So he did just that. He used his silence to his advantage and blocked everyone out. At lunch, he sat with his DS in the back of the cafeteria, and every time some asshole came up and tried to make fun of him, he’d throw them the finger before returning to his game. Half way through his second week, as he was walking to lunch, Joel jogged up beside him. Actually jogged. Ray couldn’t think of a time he’d seen Joel so much as  _walk_  quickly.

“Hey, Ray.” The taller man touched his shoulder, gesturing to his ears to ask Ray to take the earbuds he had completely forgot he was wearing out. He hadn’t actually had any music playing, but headphones worked well to signal an aura of “I don’t fucking care, don’t talk to me.”

“So, I got your note.” Joel said casually, eyes on Ray as he shoved his headphones into his pocket. He tried to think of what note Joel was referring to, his brow creasing in confusion. “I probably would’ve found it earlier, but you decided to put it in a textbook.” Ray’s mouth opened in an ‘Oh’, but still no sound passed his lips. “I’m going to be honest with you, kid. I don’t read. At least, not textbooks.”

Ray pulled his whiteboard out from his shoulder bag—which quickly replaced his notebook when he realized just how much paper he was using.

_I’m not a kid._

“To me you are.” Joel answered with a shrug.

_You’re a year older than me, Joel._

“What can I say, I’m an old soul.” Ray raised an eyebrow. “Don’t look at me like that, it’s true. My mother says I act more her age than she does.”

_So you’re super boring, that doesn’t mean I should be belittled into a kid._

“ _Someone’s_  touchy.” Joel joked, shoving lightly at Ray’s shoulder with his own. “I was going to go to Whataburger for lunch, wanna come?”

_You drive?_

“Is it really that hard to believe?” Joel asked, pulling a key ring from his pocket. “So are you coming?”

_Fuck yes, I’m starving._

* * *

Thankfully, Whataburger was pretty empty. Ray assumed it was because it was on the other side of town and it was pretty much impossible to make it there, eat, and make it back to school in the lunch period. Lucky for him, he had Spanish with Señorita DC after lunch and he didn’t feel like spending an hour having her continuously ask him to answer her, in Spanish, as if she would be the one to cure him. So when Joel asked if he was sure he was willing to skip, Ray answered with a “Fuck yes” written in large, black, capital letters.

It didn’t occur to Ray that he hadn’t had to deal with ordering food in public yet until he walked through the doors. In a moment of panic he grabbed Joel’s sleeve, stopping him in his trek to the counter, where a younger woman was smiling over-happily at them. Something in his expression must’ve given away his anxiety because Joel’s confusion immediately faded to concern. “You okay?”

Ray shook his head, writing quickly and sloppily on his whiteboard.  _I haven’t done this since…_  His writing trailed off as he tried to think of a way to put it, but Joel got the idea.

“Do you want me to order for you?”

Ray bit his lip and nodded, writing his order down quickly before handing the board to Joel and moving quickly to a booth so he could attempt to feel slightly less like a needy child. Joel returned a couple minutes later, Ray’s whiteboard tucked under his arm and a tray in each hand. His face was twisted with concentration, eyes moving between the two trays cautiously as he walked.

He placed one tray in front of Ray before sitting down himself and placing the whiteboard on the table.

_Thank you. How much do I owe you?_

Joel shook his head, shoving fries into his mouth. “Don’t worry about it.”

_Joel._

“Seriously, it’s like five bucks. I don’t want your money.”

They ate in silence for a bit. Or rather, Joel did. Ray’s mind was going a mile a minute and for whatever reason he felt incredibly self-conscious as he ate. Normally he didn’t give a fuck what people thought about him, but Joel was actually pretty decent,  _and_  he spoke to him like he was a normal person. He didn’t want to fuck this up, he didn’t want to go back to having no one.

“So. How’re you liking things?”

_You were right, the teachers are assholes._

Joel frowned. “Are they harassing you?”

_Only a few of them. I think some of them think it’s some sort of elaborate prank._

“Yeah, well, they’re fucking stupid.” Ray shrugged, picking up his burger and taking an admittedly massive bite. “Aside from school, how’re you liking Austin?”

Again, Ray shrugged. “You’ve got to have some sort of opinion.”

 _I haven’t done anything except go to school and go back to my aunt and uncle’s. I don’t really_ have _an opinion._

“Seriously?” Joel frowned. “I thought I was lazy but you’ve taken it to a new level.”

_I’ve only been here a week and a half, Joel. Plus, I’m not just going to wander through town on my own._

“Why not?”

_Because people don’t understand muteness, and it’s annoying as fuck to try and write down._

“Well, I’ll just have to take you myself.” Ray shook his head quickly, once again feeling a lump forming in his throat at the thought of spending the day with that many people around him. “Nope, it’s happening. You’re seeing Austin how it’s meant to be seen before you get a bad opinion of it.”

 _Joel, no._  Ray wrote quickly.  _It’s not that I don’t want to go with you, I do, but ~~I’m not~~ I don’t think I can do that, yet._

“Oh.” Joel nodded sadly, “I’m sorry.”

_It’s not your fault I’m fucked up._

“You’re not fucked up.” Ray rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Ray. You’re not fucked up. Something seriously messed you up, but that doesn’t make you fucked up.”

 _Thanks_  Ray wrote, for lack of a better response.

“I’ve got a new idea, a better idea.” Joel smiled, and it made Ray want to smile too. “How about you and I play some video games, just the two of us. We can even do it at your place so you don’t have to worry about my folks.”

_You game?_

“What, I don’t fit the profile?”

_I guess you do, but I recall you calling yourself an “old soul”. Wouldn’t that make video games confusing and offensive to you?_

“Ha, ha. Funny. Are you in, or what?”

_You’re assuming I game?_

“Seriously, Ray? You wore a Halo shirt yesterday. You spent a week ignoring the world in favour of a DS.”

_I wasn’t ignoring the world, I just hadn’t found anyone worth talking to._

“Ouch.”

_I assumed you weren’t interested._

“Well maybe if you would’ve just put the note on my desk like a normal person…”

_I was trying to be different!_

Joel rolled his eyes, “What high school kid actually reads their fucking text books?”

_I do_

“Wow, you really are a nerd.”

_Fuck you_

“A nerd with some anger issues.” Ray gave him the middle finger and Joel laughed. Ray decided right then that he really liked Joel’s laugh. It wasn’t loud and booming like so many of the guys Ray knew. It was one of those laughs that you couldn’t help but smile at because it was just so genuine, and Ray was no exception. “Y’know, I don’t think I’ve seen you smile before. You should do it more often.”

* * *

Ray returned home that afternoon to find Caitlin and Andrew seated at the kitchen table. “Ray, can you come sit down please?”

He did as asked, cautiously moving to sit across from them. Andrew spoke, his voice stern. “We got a call from your school today. They said you didn’t attend your fourth period class. Care to shed some light on the situation?”

Ray swallowed thickly and nodded, pulling his whiteboard from his bag.  _I went out for lunch, to Whataburger. I know I shouldn’t have skipped Spanish, but Señorita DC keeps asking me to talk and I can’t._

Caitlin frowned, “Why didn’t you say anything about this?”

_Because I don’t want you guys to make a big deal of it. I’ve already drawn too much attention, I don’t need this on top of it._

“Ray,” Caitlin sighed, reaching out to grab his hand. “I want you to be able to go to school without being forced into things you don’t want to be forced into.”

_I’ll be okay, Cait. It’s not as bad as you’d think._

“Who drove you to Whataburger?” Andrew asked, voicing the question Ray was hoping to avoid for at least another day.

_His name is Joel, he’s a senior. Actually… I was wondering if he could come over on Friday night. He thinks he can beat me at Halo, which is ridiculous._

“You know we should ground you for skipping, right?” Caitlin asked.

 _But I’m making friends!_  Ray wrote, throwing a pout their way for emphasis.  _Friends who drive me across town and buy me food and don’t care that I don’t talk._

“Fine, he can come over.” Ray smiled brightly, grabbing his things and moving quickly from the room. “But no more skipping school!”


	3. Chapter 3

Ray didn’t realize how nervous he was for Joel coming over until Catlin pointed it out. “Seriously Ray, relax. Stop pacing.”

He stopped mid-stride, glancing down at the floor and realizing that he had, in fact, been wearing a path into her carpet. He glanced up, eyes moving to the front door behind her for the third time in half as many minutes.

“It’s only 3:30, sweetie. He’s not supposed to be here for another half hour. Go and do something before you drive yourself crazy.”

Ray frowned, but he knew she was right. He was stressing himself out for no good reason. Joel wasn’t going to back out on him. If he didn’t want to come, he’d just tell Ray. Right? His worries were put to rest before he’d made it half way up the stairs, a series of knocks ringing through the otherwise silent house. Ray’s first instinct was to run to the door, fling it open, and welcome Joel in. But he wasn’t going to do that. He wasn’t going to scare the guy off with his over eagerness. At the same time, the idea of Andy or Caitlin getting there first… yeah, no. Ray bounded back down the stairs. He stared at the door, glaring at it and urging his heartbeat to calm the fuck down. With a deep breath, he pulled it open.

“Hey, Ray.” Joel said, hands in his pockets. He looked so… awkward. Ray couldn’t help but smile and wave, the nervousness leaving him in one fell swoop, “I was going to bring food, but I wasn’t sure who was home so…”

Ray dismissed his worry with a wave of his hand, stepping to the side as an invitation to come in. Joel didn’t even make it through the doorway before Caitlin was there, smiling brightly. “Hi! You must be Joel,” She said, grabbing his hand and half-shaking it, half-pulling him farther into the house, “I’ve heard so much about you. I’m Caitlin, Ray’s aunt!”

Ray froze, eyes darting to Joel’s face as time seemingly stopped. He waited for the questions, the comments, and the need for answers he wasn’t ready to provide. Instead, Joel smiled and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you. Sorry for enabling Ray’s rebellious ways.”

Caitlin laughed, and just like that she liked him. Ray breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m just glad he found a friend,” She replied, and Ray decided now was as good a time as ever to show Joel up to his room. He grabbed his sleeve, tugging him forcefully away from Caitlin and up the stairs before she could do any more harm.

“Nice to meet you!” Joel called over his shoulder, even as laughter escaped his lips. Ray’s room was at the end of the hall, right across from the bathroom. It wasn’t overly large, but compared to NY? He had more space than he knew what to do with.

“Jesus, Ray,” Joel said, eyes scanning the room. “It’s so  _clean_.”

 _I see no point in having shit everywhere_ Ray wrote, finally able to respond.

“Laziness.” Joel replied simply. He sat heavily down on Ray’s bed, “What’re we playing?”

Ray smiled and handed him a controller, turning the TV back on to reveal the title screen for  _Halo_. Joel smiled, “Oh, kid. You don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into.”

* * *

By the time Caitlin called them down for dinner, Ray had beaten Joel 7 of the 10 times they played. Joel threw his hands up as the screen once again declared Ray the winner. “How the fuck are you this good?”

Ray shrugged,  _Not a lot to do in NY._

“You kicked my ass.”

_I did._

Ray stood, leading Joel down to the kitchen where Caitlin and Andy sat, two large pizzas laid out on the table. Ray smiled, grabbing a generous helping of the pepperoni and mushroom one, laughing as Joel gave him a look of disgust and grabbed a helping of cheese.

“How’re things going?” Andy asked.

“Not well.” Joel asked, “I’m pretty sure he’s cheating.”

_I’m just good at what I do. Did I mention I have over 300, 000 gamerscore?_

Joel groaned, “Once or twice.”

“If Ray could make money gaming he’d be a millionaire.” Caitlin sighed, “Though I’m sure if he put half the attention he did in video games to school work, he’d be doing great in school too.”

 _School is boring._ Ray wrote.

“ _Our_  school is boring,” Joel corrected. He really didn’t expect for conversation to flow so easily between them. Joel wasn’t the most… socially gifted of individuals, and it wasn’t as if Ray could exactly help with any awkward silences. But Caitlin and Andy seemed to like him, and Joel seemed comfortable. They talked about school, about what Joel would be doing in the fall (apparently, acting. Ray would have to ask about that later), and whatnot. He learned more about him during the hour they ate dinner than in the time he’d known him.

When they returned to Ray’s room, he started a conversation of his own.  _Acting? Drama club? **School plays?**  Who even are you, man?_

“I like acting. It’s fun.” Joel shrugged, “Plus, they take us on trips and I get out of school for a couple days. It’s a win-win.”

_I apparently don’t know much about you._

“It works both ways, kid.” Ray glared at the term, and Joel smiled. “I don’t know if you know, but you’re pretty damn mysterious.”

_Apparently I’m not the only one._

“Oh, I’m not mysterious. You’re just not very attentive. My name is all over the school on the posters for the next play.”

Ray gaped at him.  _Seriously?_

“Yeah.”

_What’s the next play?_

Joel smiled, “Dracula.”

_And you play…_

“Dracula, naturally.” Joel laughed at the look on his face, “I’ve been doing this since fourth grade, Ray. I don’t want to blow my own horn but I like to think I’ve got some talent.”

_Can I come watch?_

“No. It’s open to everyone in the student body, and the Austin community. But you can’t.”

Ray frowned, hitting him with the whiteboard.  _I was asking for the date and time, asshole. And where I’m supposed to buy the damn tickets._

“It’s not for another month, but don’t worry about the tickets.” Joel nudged his shoulder, “I can hook you up.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

For some odd reason that Ray couldn’t fathom, their gaming session had convinced Joel that Ray had to make more friends. Maybe it was because he was embarrassed and wanted to prove that he wasn’t as awful as Ray though but that he was just, in fact, quite good at games. Regardless, he brought him over to meet his “regular” group of friends one day after school, promising his parents weren’t home so Ray wouldn’t worry. Not that it helped. He wasn’t really looking forward to trying to explain his “condition” to a bunch of random strangers in his school.

He also wasn’t sure what Joel meant by “regular” group, seeing as Ray never seemed to see him with anyone else. He figured most of them, if not all of them, were older. Unless Joel always pried on the younger students, a thought that was rather amusing to him. Needless to say, he was more than a little nervous on the drive from school to Joel’s house, which was much closer to downtown Austin than Caitlin’s.

“You know you don’t have to be nervous, right?” Joel asked, with a quick glance at Ray’s bouncing knee.  “They’re cool, I promise.” Ray snorted at the thought of anyone associated with Joel being considered “cool”, but he felt a bit more at ease none the less.

Luckily when they arrived no one else was there. It gave Ray the chance to take in the house, which was actually considerably larger than Ray’s, despite the location. It was two floors, and the bottom was very modern and open-concept. Everything was so organized and clean, and Ray absolutely  _loved_  it. “My mom’s an interior designer,” Joel explained, nudging his shoes off next to the front door. Ray did the same before following Joel up the staircase to his room—which didn’t have a railing and made him a little nervous.

Joel’s room was a disaster zone. There were clothes everywhere, mixed with plates and glasses and books galore. Ray’s hands twitched at the sight, wanting nothing more than to clean and organize it, because he couldn’t understand how anyone could possibly live in such a pig sty.

“I know what you’re thinking, and no you’re not cleaning it.” Joel chucked his backpack on the bed, only to have most of its contents spill onto the floor. Ray felt his eye twitch. “Relax, we don’t have to spend any time up here. I just wanted to throw my shit away.”

 _You’re disgusting._  Ray wrote quickly as he followed Joel back down the stairs, staying closer to the wall than he usually did as he eyed the edge of the stairs nervously. Joel, on the other hand, walked down with practiced ease, almost dancing on the edge of them like it wasn’t a possibility that he could fall and break his neck. Ray kind of wanted to pull him back, but he refrained.

“Nah, just lazy.” Joel opened a door in their kitchen which Ray had assumed lead to their pantry, only to reveal yet another set of stairs. Their basement was, for lack of a better word,  _amazing_. It was any gamers  _dream_. Joel had a massive flat screen TV, surround sound, and all the latest and greatest in consoles. He had two couches, both large and plush and welcoming, and a mini fridge and bar against the wall.

On the far end he had a DDR machine. Like, the actual machine you would find in arcades.  _Wow._

“Yeah, I know.” Joel sighed, “My parents went a little overboard.”

_You have a DDR machine._

“I know.” He fell heavily onto one of the couches, “It’s one of the perks of having parents who you see once a month.”

Ray frowned,  _They just leave you here by yourself?_

“Yeah, well, my mom travels all around the world, working on hotels and stuff. My dad goes with her and writes all the reviews of the hotels.” He shrugged, reaching for one of the controllers on the table, “It used to bug me, as a kid, but now? I don’t mind so much. It’s not like they don’t love me, they just happen to have jobs that take them far away.”

Ray bit his lip.  _But you could’ve traveled with them…_

“They offered, and I did, at first. But it’s hard growing up like that. You make a good relationship and before you know it, it’s off to the next place. It was cool to travel but it was boring. I couldn’t do what I wanted to do because we never stayed long enough to enroll me in a school.” His Xbox came to life, the large screen glowing and illuminating the room. “Plus, what would you have done if I hadn’t been here?”

Ray stuck his tongue out at him, tapping at his feet as a hint to move, only to plop down over Joel’s legs when he didn’t get the hint. Somehow he ended up with Joel’s feet in his lap and a controller in his hand, but he didn’t so much mind.  _I’m glad I met you, Joel_. He wrote, and then proceeded to begin his ass-kicking.

* * *

Joel’s friends didn’t actually bother to knock, Ray found out. Instead, they sauntered down to the room, grabbed a drink, and plopped onto one of the couches, or the floor depending on the person. He tried to keep track of all the names and faces as they came in, but he had a feeling he’d end up forgetting one or two.

There was Geoff, who looked much older than he was and was sporting quite a few tattoos for only just having turned 18. He looked tired, but he sported a cool mustache and had a good sense of humor. Next was Jack, who Joel didn’t bother to introduce. Jack informed him it was because he was Joel’s oldest friend and therefore was more or less stuck with the most of his assholish behavior. Jack also had some killer facial hair, which made him look like he’d already graduated, despite being a year younger than Geoff.

The next two came in together, one screaming and laughing as the other chased him shouting various curse words. That one was Michael, who had red curly hair that matched his easily angered personality. The other one was Gavin, who had recently moved over from England and lived with Geoff, much to the latter’s dismay. Ray recognized them from some of his classes, which was definitely a shock.

The last two to arrive were Burnie and Gus, both seniors like Joel. He recognized them from the Student Council. Burnie, if he remembered correctly, was the President, and Gus was the tech guy. They hosted the school’s radio show, and from the few times Ray had managed to tune in, they were quite good.

Much to Ray’s surprise, no one mentioned his condition. No one so much as flinched at his use of the white board, and it was… refreshing, but still a little strange. Ray figured Joel had talked to them about it before they arrived, but Ray didn’t much mind because they didn’t treat him like he was different, or weird. In fact, they treated him like he’d always been part of the gang. Michael shouted meaningless insults his way when he kicked ass at Halo, and they all seemed to enjoy playing with him despite his silence.

“Hey, Ray. Do you have a partner for that stupid English assignment yet?” Michael asked while Joel was ordering pizza. 

_No. I was just going to do it by myself._

“Dude, isn’t it going to be a bit hard for you to present in front of a class when you don’t talk?” Everyone froze, eyes moving between Ray and Michael in shock and fear. He could hear the pizza guy on the phone, asking Joel if he was still there.

 _I was just going to take the point deduction,_  Ray shrugged, and the room seemed to take a collective breath. He wondered what they thought he was going to do. He was mute, it wasn’t like he didn’t  _know_ that. It felt weirder to have no one acknowledge it, and he was glad Michael had finally broke that.

“Dude, why? Partner with me, I’ll do all the talking.” Michael said with a scoff, “And if the asshole still takes off points I’ll kick his ass for you.”

Ray smiled,  _Sounds like a plan._

Michael grinned at him in return before turning back to whatever game him and Gavin were playing, and everyone seemed to fall back into what they were doing. Except Joel, who was still staring at him silently despite the increasingly annoyed sounding man on the other end of the line. Ray pointed to the phone with a smile, and Joel managed to stutter out of the rest of the large order. He let the phone fall onto the couch after, choosing to study Ray some more.

_What?_

“You’re not freaking out.” Joel said quietly, “I thought… I mean, I was kind of worried that…”

 _That what? I’d get offended that he knew I was mute? I think they might all have their suspicions, Joel._ Ray reached out to jab at his face lightly with a finger.  _I’m fine, stop worrying._

The remainder of the night went smoothly. No one seemed to be annoyed that Ray’s answers took longer, and no one cut him off as he was writing. Just like Joel, they seemed to overlook his… problem. And even though he suspected it was largely  _because_ of Joel that they did so, he was glad. For the first time since moving to Austin he felt normal again. Around 10, people started leaving. First Michael and Gavin, who left arguing about the same thing they entered arguing about. Then Jack, who had to go work the next morning, and finally Burnie and Gus.

Joel offered to walk them upstairs, and the farther away their voices drifted, the more tired Ray realized he was. He tried to focus on the game in front of him, but with each blink it got harder to keep his eyes open and, slowly, he stopped trying. He let sleep come to him just as he heard Joel’s footsteps on the stairs.

* * *

When Ray woke, it was to the sound of his phone buzzing loudly in his pocket. He blinked at his surroundings, only illuminated by the moonlight. The bed underneath him definitely wasn’t his, but when he looked around he found himself in Joel’s room, the man of question slumped over in his own desk chair, fast asleep. Ray reached for his phone just as it stopped buzzing. The bright screen read “14 missed calls, 24 missed messages”, and his heart hit his throat. In record time, Ray was out of the bed and falling towards Joel. His hands hit Joel’s chest as he stumbled into him, startling him awake.

“Ray?” The older asked groggily as his hands instinctively moved to Ray’s hips in an attempt to steady him, “What’s wrong?”

He shoved his phone against Joel’s chest, pointing at the missed calls notification and then at his own throat. He couldn’t see his whiteboard anywhere, and his inability to get his words across was frustrating beyond belief. Thankfully, Joel got the idea, reaching up to take the device from him. Within moments, he was tapping on Caitlin’s name.

“Hey, Mrs. Gallagher, it’s Joel.” He said through a scratchy voice. “I know—he’s right here, I’m sorry. He fell asleep on my couch—We should’ve called yo—I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry—”

Ray could hear Caitlin through the phone. Not words, necessarily, but he could hear the worried anger in her voice. She wasn’t  _mad_ , per say, but she was annoyed that they hadn’t bothered to call. “Yes, Mrs. Gallagher. Sorry again.” He handed Ray his phone back, and he was suddenly hyper-aware of the fact he was practically sitting in his lap. “She said she doesn’t mind if you stay here tonight, but I can drive you home now that you’re awake, if you’d prefer.”

Ray shook his head, slipping out of his grasp and sitting back down on Joel’s bed, trying not to think too much about the position they had just been in. He stared at the phone in his hand, choosing to use it in place of the whiteboard.  _You carried me up the stairs?_ He asked.

“I did.”

_Thank you for not falling over on your death stairs._

“What?” Joel laughed, “Death stairs?”

_They don’t have railings, it’s fucking weird and terrifying._

Joel shrugged, “My mom says railings take from the décor.”

 _That’s dumb, someone’s going to fall off and die one day._ Ray paused before adding,  _It’s going to be me. I’m going to fall to my death._

“Nah, I wouldn’t let that happen,” Joel smiled. “Sorry I didn’t wake you, but you looked so tired.”

_I don’t mind. Next time I suggest calling Caitlin, though. She’s too young to have a heart attack._

Joel laughed, “Yeah, the thought didn’t even occur to me. My parents don’t ever know where I am, not really anyway.” He shrugged, “But lesson learned.”

 _I like your friends, by the way._  Ray typed.  _Thanks for introducing me to them._

“They’re not just my friends, Ray. They liked you.” Joel moved to sit next to him, “Not to mention you kicked their asses at pretty much every game we played, so you pretty much proved yourself in that way.”

 _You guys aren’t that bad._ Ray smiled,  _Except for Gavin. He’s pretty bad._

“Yeah… When he tries he’s a bit better, but usually he’s too busy being an idiot to bother with the game.”

 _Do you want your bed back?_ Ray asked,  _I can sleep on a couch._

“Don’t be stupid. When does a host  _ever_  accept that offer?” Joel shook his head, “Never. Literally, never. It’s textbook.”

Ray started typing, but Joel’s hands clasped over the phone. “See you in the morning.”

* * *

When Ray woke up the next morning the sun was shining brightly through Joel’s window. His face was pressed against the pillow, and he could feel the stiffness in his neck and back. He took a deep breath as he stretched, only to have Joel’s sent engulf him. The smell brought calm, though he couldn’t describe it if he tried. This realization made Ray’s cheeks burn red. He quickly climbed out of the bed, grabbing his glasses off the cluttered bedside table before making his way downstairs in search of Joel.

The death stairs were even worse when his mind was groggy. He briefly considered sliding down the stairs on his ass, but chose instead to keep one hand firmly placed on the wall. Before his foot could hit the bottom stair, Ray was bombarded with the absolutely  _delightful_  smell of pancakes and coffee. Again, he took a deep breath and inhaled the delicious smell, letting his nose guide him in the direction of the kitchen as his stomach grumbled.

Joel had his back to him when Ray arrived, shoulder muscles flexing as he flipped pancakes, adding to a generous pile already on the counter. Ray couldn’t help the smile that danced across his lips at the sight as he leaned against the door frame. He felt so incredibly lucky to have met Joel. That Joel just happened to be a smart ass who got sent to the principal’s office on a near daily basis. Against all odds, he’d found someone who didn’t treat him like a freak, and Ray was starting to think he might be okay, one day.

Eventually Joel turned around, and when he did he almost dropped the entire plate of pancakes in shock. “Jesus Christ, Ray. Could you maybe stomp around so I can actually  _hear_  you coming before I have a heart attack?”

Ray smiled, pushing off the door frame and moving over to the kitchen island, where he slipped onto one of the barstools and grabbed a pancake off the top of the pile.

“Do you want a plate, maybe?” Joel asked, and Ray’s smile grew. He could get used to this.

* * *

The weeks following the impromptu sleepover passes in a blur. Almost instantly, Ray found himself constantly surrounded by people. Be it Michael or Gavin in class, or Jack over text, or over Xbox Live after school (even though his replies came in the form of messages). It was strange, at first, always having someone there. But it was… nice. Normal, even. After the first week, Ray finally felt comfortable having them over to his own house for game night, though it didn’t really compare to what Joel had to offer.

Caitlin and Andy were  _thrilled_  when he asked the first time, and it soon became a weekly event. The never complained, even with 7 teenage boys (and their girlfriends, more times than not) taking over their living room and eating enough food for 30. They even got used to Michael’s rage, after time, and found it more humorous than offensive. All and all, life was starting to feel relatively normal again. Ray was happy. Yes, he was still torn up about his family and it still haunted him, but they helped him cope. They reminded him that he didn’t have to deal with it alone, and they didn’t let him.

As his friendships grew, his bond with Joel only strengthened farther. They became close to inseparable, spending more time together than apart. Caitlin and Andy saw Joel almost as much as Ray, and Ray had a set of pyjamas and toiletries at Joel’s house for when they ended up staying up until 2am gaming. They never forgot to let Caitlin know, though. At the end of the month, Joel introduced Ray to his parents, who were in town for a week before leaving for Barbados. They were lovely, and incredibly supportive of Joel and his passions. They quite liked Ray, too, and told him he was always welcome in their house.

Everything was going perfectly, and then Joel revealed he was going on a weekend trip with the drama department.

Joel revealed that he was going to New York, and Ray felt everything in him shut off. 


	5. Chapter 5

Ray felt numb. Completely and utterly numb. His brain was blank, the only thought in his head being _Joel is going to New York. New York. Joel._ He couldn’t do anything but stare at him, at the concerned wrinkle in his brow. He didn’t know what to think, or what to do, all he knew was that Joel was going back…  _there_ , and it terrified him.

“Ray?” Joel asked tentatively. “Are you okay?”

Slowly, Ray shook his head.

“What’s wrong?”

He couldn’t answer. His hands shook as he tried to type his response on the phone in his hands. He knew his fears were mostly unjustified, that what happened in his past didn’t necessarily reflect what would happen in his future. Still, he had left that place for a reason, and now the person he cared about most was going to be there while Ray stayed safely in Texas. If anything were to happen to Joel…

“Ray?” He moved closer, hands moving to Ray’s arms, rubbing them softly, comfortingly. “Are you okay?”

 _Do you…_ He paused,  _New York, huh?_

“Yeah. We’re going to see  _Matilda_ on Broadway.” Joel smiled, “I’m excited, actually, but if you tell Geoff that I will deny it.”

 _That’s awesome, Joel._ Ray typed, even through the lump that was growing in his throat. He tried to focus on the gentle rubbing of Joel’s palms on his arms, trying to tell himself that Joel would be fine. Because he would be. He was going to New York, with the school, and nothing was going to happen. He knew that, but his brain didn’t seem to care.

“What’s wrong?” Joel asked with a frown. “Everyone else is still going to be here, except Burnie. You’re not going to be by yourself.”

 _I know_ , Ray sighed,  _It’s just… It’s New York, Joel._

“Your, uh… your parents died there, right?”

_Yeah._

“I’m going to be fine, Ray.” Joel smiled. “It’s just for the weekend. I’ll be back by Monday.”

 _I know_ , Ray forced himself to smile back,  _I know. It’s the first time anyone I know has gone back there since I moved here, though._

“I get it,” Joel pulled him in for a hug, something that had started happening more often as they grew closer. Joel was much touchier than he had initially thought. “I’ll text you every day, though. Lots.”

 _You better_. Ray typed, trying to convince his heart to calm down as he let Joel hold him. He knew, though, that this weekend would be a long one.

* * *

Ray was oddly looking forward to his routine therapy session that week. He needed to talk to someone who knew what was going on in his head. Someone who wouldn’t think his fears were irrational because they’d been hearing them for weeks.

“Hey, Ray.” Dr. Kelly said as he plopped down on her couch. Her smile was warm and non-judgemental. Ray waved back. “How have you been? Still adjusting to the new school?”

Ray shrugged,  _Yeah. It’s… it’s getting better, I guess._

“Made any friends yet?”

_Still just Joel._

“You haven’t told me much about him yet, you know.”

Ray did know. Initially he’d wanted to avoid getting into too much detail because he figured Joel would eventually leave. Then, he just felt like it was weird to talk about. He decided it was probably time.  _He’s a senior and he plays Halo (badly),_ Ray smiled as he wrote, thinking back to the previous game night. Before Joel dropped the bomb.  _He’s actually pretty awful at it, but I’m trying to coach him through it._

“Sounds like you’re enjoying spending time with him. And does he have any problems with your way of speaking?” She asked. Ray had always liked that she’d avoided calling him mute. That she chose to see it as a different way of talking. It was why he didn’t complain about the sessions as much.

 _No._ He frowned,  _I mean, I don’t think so._

Dr. Kelly beamed at him, “That’s great!”

_Yeah… But he’s going to New York for a theater trip this weekend._

“And how are you feeling about that?”

 _Not great,_ Ray admitted,  _I’m worried. I know that it’s pretty unlikely that anything will happy but…_

“It’s okay to be scared, Ray. It’s going to take a while to be able to disassociate New York from what happened to your parents.” She smiled sadly when he flinched, “Have you talked to him about it?”

_Yeah. He said he’ll text a lot._

“That’s great! An open line of communication will make things much easier.”

_I hope so._

“I’m glad you’ve found a friend, Ray. And if you ever need to talk while he’s away, you have my number.” She smiled at him again, and it was so bright and genuine that Ray couldn’t help but smile back. He wondered if she had to take a course on how to do that.

* * *

Joel was set to leave at 4 am on Friday morning, and for the majority of the week he tried to convince Ray that he didn’t need to wake up that early on a school day, but Ray was having none of it. He forced Joel to pick him up and take him with him to the airport, Michael begrudgingly following behind them so Ray had a way home (with promise of energy drinks and breakfast on Ray). The drive was quiet as Joel couldn’t exactly look away to read his responses, but it gave Ray a chance to calm himself down. He spent the twenty minute drive telling himself that Joel would be fine, convincing himself that nothing would happen. By the time they got there, he had himself mostly convinced.

“It’ll be fine, Ray.” Joel said when they arrived. “I’ll text you as soon as I get through security, and as soon as we land in New York. You’ll know my every move.” He joked, and Ray slapped his arm.

_Don’t be an asshole. I’m allowed to worry._

“I know you are, but I’m telling you  _it’s going to be fine._ ” Joel hugged him tightly, and Ray let himself wrap his arms tightly around Joel’s middle. He pressed his face firmly against Joel’s chest, for once not really giving a shit how cheesy it was. Just before he stepped away, Joel pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

 _Sunday._ Ray typed, trying not to think too much about what had just happened.  _I don’t care how late it is, Joel. Sunday._

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop by on Sunday.” Burnie yelled for him from the security line and Joel groaned, “I gotta go. It’ll be fine. I’ll see you Sunday.”

And just like that, he was leaving. Ray was watching him go and the panic that he had managed to subdue was creeping back up within him. The farther away Joel got the more Ray felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Are you okay, man?” Michael asked.

Ray quickly shook his head.  _I can’t breathe._

“Do you want me to call someone?” Michael looked around for anyone who looked like they had any authority, and when he turned back around it was to find Ray on the floor, out cold.

* * *

He woke up in a very, very bright white room. Michael was next to him, eyebrows furrowed as he bit his bottom lip. He noticed Ray was awake, and sighed in relief. “Oh, thank Christ. Joel is going to  _kill_ me if anything happens to you.”

Ray reached for the phone in his hands,  _What happened?_  

“You passed out. The Doctor said you had some sort of panic attack.” Michael frowned, “What the fuck happened, Ray?”

_I’m just worried. He’s going to New York, and to put it simply I don’t have the best track record with that place._

“Yeah, but he’ll be fine.”

 _I know that, but I can’t seem to_ convince _myself of that. I can’t help it, there’s a lot of bad shit tied to that city._

“I get it,” Michael smiled sadly, “But Joel will be fine. And you’ve got the rest of us to keep your mind off of it while he’s gone.”

Ray smiled,  _Thanks, Michael._

“No problem. I’m going to beat you at  _something_  this weekend if it kills me.”

 _Eh, don’t be too sure._ Ray pushed himself up, rubbing at the back of his head, where he could feel a bump growing.  _Joel didn’t see that, did he?_

“Oh, thank god, no.” Michael dragged a hand down his face, “I don’t think the fucker would’ve gotten on the plane.”

_I can’t believe I passed out. I must look like a fucking idiot to you._

“Nah, dude. I don’t know what kind of shit you dealt with back there, but if it got you to stop talking, obviously it wasn’t good. You’re allowed to be scared.”

_Yeah, but it’s selfish. Not to want him to go, I mean. He was so excited, and now he’s going to spend the entire weekend thinking about me._

“He spends  _every_  weekend thinking about you.” Michael shrugged, “Now let’s go. You still owe me breakfast.”

Ray followed after him, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what Michael said. What he  _meant_. Joel didn’t actually think about him that much… did he?

If he did… why did he?

It was going to be a long weekend.

* * *

Ray received the first text as Michael was driving to Taco Bell.

**From: Joel 4:15  
** _I forgot how much I hate airport security. Kill me?_

Ray smiled, imagining him trying to pull the required shit out of his bag. Knowing Joel, he had just shoved everything in this morning and it was likely everything had fallen to the floor.

**To: Joel 4:15  
** _If you would’ve packed properly it wouldn’t be so bad._

**From: Joel 4:16**   
_Since when do you have to take off belts? What am I going to hide in a belt?_

**To: Joel 4:16**   
_You? Nothing. You’re not coordinated enough._

**From: Joel 4:17**   
_): You don’t think I could take down a plane if I wanted to? I think I’ve played enough video games to handle such a simple task, Ray._

Already, some of the nerves were untwisting in his gut. He wished Joel wasn’t going, but it no longer felt like he was on the verge of losing him. With Joel texting him, and Michael there to provide some well-needed humor, he could get through this. And, true to his word, Joel kept the constant communication until he was forced to turn off his phone, which was well into Michael and Ray’s “breakfast”.

“You two are ridiculous.” Michael said when Ray finally placed his phone on the table. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Joel spend as much time with someone as he does with you.”

_I doubt that. You’re all pretty close._

“Yeah… not really. Joel’s always been kind of a shut-in. Has been since his parents started leaving him at home.”

Ray wasn’t sure what he thought about that. Or what it even meant. He wasn’t any different than anyone else. If  _anything_ , he was a bigger pain in the ass due to the crapton of emotional baggage that he had to trudge around. So he said nothing.

* * *

He didn’t receive another text until quarter past nine, in the middle of his History class. His heart stopped, breath he didn’t know he was holding escaping his lungs in one big sigh. Even though he still felt nervous in the pit of his stomach, he was glad to hear from Joel again.

**From: Joel 9:15  
** _Hey Ray! Safe and sound in NY. Goddamn, even this airport is huge._

Ray smiled. He could just see Joel standing in the middle of the airport, frowning at his phone as people scurried around him. He was about to reply when another text came through

**From: Joel 9:16**   
_What part of the city did you say you were from?_

Almost immediately, his fingers went numb at the thought of Joel going anywhere near where he used to live. He hastily typed back, the knots in his stomach tightening with each word.

**To: Joel 9:18**   
_It was a shitty part of NY, don’t worry about it. Nothing special to see there._

**From: Joel 9:20**   
_Ray, I’m going to be FINE. Please stop worrying._

He knew Joel was right, but he couldn’t shake the feeling.

* * *

Halfway through the day, Ray realized he actually enjoyed Joel’s texts. It was interesting seeing New York through the eyes of someone who had never lived there. He showed Michael and the rest of the group at lunch, laughing as they made fun of how easily Joel became a tourist.

**From: Joel 12:22**   
_Ray Narvaez Jr you are not showing these texts to our friends are you?_

**From: Joel 12:32 _  
_**_You’re evil. Pure evil. You realize Geoff is NEVER going to let this go, right?_

**From: Joel 12:33**   
_When I get back there, I am going to kill you. It’s official._

**To: Joel 12:34** _  
Oh, c’mon. It’s funny._

**From: Joel 12:36** _  
Hardly! I trusted you, Ray. I let myself be a tourist and oooo and ahhh because I thought I could depend on you to keep it between us._

**From: Joel 12:38**   
_Apparently I was wrong_

**From: Joel 12:40  
** _I hate you so much right now_

**From: Joel 12:41** _  
Don’t make me stop texting you_

Ray’s heart dropped into his stomach, phone clattering to the table and smile fading immediately.

“Ray, what’s wrong?” Michael asked, but Ray waved him off, scrambling to pick his phone back up.

**To: Joel 12:41** _  
You promised_

**To: Joel 12:42** _  
Joel!_

**From: Joel 12:42**   
_Hey, sorry. I had to get my room key._

**From: Joel 12:43**   
_Ray, I was kidding. I wouldn’t do that to you, okay? Breathe._

**To: Joel 12:44** _  
Don’t do that_

**From: Joel 12:44** _  
Noted._

* * *

Over the course of the day, Ray had his teachers threaten to take his phone away six times. He was pretty sure Michael was explaining what was going on, though, because it never did get confiscated. When the final bell rang, he all but sprinted out to the front of the building, where Caitlin was waiting to pick him up. Michael jogged up beside him.

“Still on for tonight?” He asked, shrugging his backpack over his shoulder. Ray nodded eagerly. “Good. I’m going to kick your ass!”

Caitlin was indeed waiting when he pushed open the large school doors. She had a book out—probably something for work again—and he didn’t doubt she’d been there for a while. Ray hated that they would bend to his will. He hated that they felt like they had to make things perfect somehow. He didn’t want to put that burden on them.

“Oh, hey Ray!” She said, jumping when the car door opened. “How was school?”

_Good. Long. I’m glad it’s the weekend._

She reached over, cupping his cheek gently. “You must be exhausted. Did Joel get to New York okay?”

 _Yeah, he’s really excited about everything._ Ray smiled,  _I know that city better than the back of my hand, but it’s like seeing it from a completely different perspective now._

“And you’re feeling okay about everything?” Caitlin asked tentatively.

He nodded, fiddling with the phone in his lap.  _It’s not as bad as I thought. I know that he’s okay._

“Good, I’m glad.” She turned away from him, starting the car and starting the short drive home. “Is everyone still coming over tonight?”

Ray nodded.

“Great! We’ll order lots of pizza!”

* * *

The rest of the weekend is a lot easier than Ray ever thought it would be. Michael and Gavin spend pretty much the whole time at his house, and Joel raves about musicals and awesome hotel rooms and how good street food is in New York. By Sunday morning, the first time he finds himself alone, he’s more calm than he had thought possible.

**To: Joel 10:10** _  
Morning!_

He puts the phone on the counter, grabbing a bowl from the cupboard and grabbing a generous helping of Cheerios. He eyes his phone warily as he eats. Normally, Joel is pretty quick to reply. But he also tends to oversleep, so it wouldn’t be that unlikely that he sleep in. Especially if the plane didn’t leave until the early evening. With a shrug, Ray moved to the living room and popped Halo into his Xbox.

By 11, Ray was starting to feel that nervousness return, twisting his stomach into thousands of little knots.

**To: Joel 11:01** _  
Joel?_

He couldn’t focus on the game anymore. Every couple of seconds he’d make a stupid mistake and some newbie would kill him. He kept glancing back to his phone on the couch beside him. Still nothing. He wouldn’t still be asleep. Not at noon. Not on a school trip. It just wouldn’t happen.

**To: Joel 12:13** _  
Joel, this isn’t funny._

Giving up on gaming, he dropped his controller onto the table and began pacing, his phone tight in his grip as panic began to rise. He knew it was ridiculous. Joel was fine. He just… forgot his phone in his room or something. He was  _fine_. He knew that, but Ray couldn’t convince his brain of that. He felt like it was getting harder to breathe with each minute, chest tightening painfully.

**To: Joel 1:20** _  
Joel? Please answer me._

Any calm he had felt over the weekend was gone. Suddenly everything felt just like it did the minute the words initially left Joel’s mouth. He couldn’t stop thinking about what could’ve happened. What happened to his parents. He hadn’t thought about that since… well, since he forced himself to block it out. He’d worked so hard to keep the memories away and now he felt like he was right back in that closet, listening helplessly as his parents…

Ray couldn’t breathe. Each breath seemed to catch in his throat and his vision was blurring. He needed to know Joel was okay. He needed—

He dialed Caitlin’s number without a second thought, lifting the phone to his ear and listening numbly as the dial tone played. Caitlin picked up on the first ring. “Ray? Are you okay? Sweetie, what’s wrong?”

He wanted to speak. He wanted to shout and yell and beg, but he couldn’t. The words wouldn’t come out. So he hung up. All at once, standing was too much. He had to sit down. He had to try and breathe. He gripped the phone tightly in his hands, reaching for the white board that had been left on the table the night before.

* * *

Caitlin had never driven faster than she did that morning. She had bolted out of the grocery store, leaving her cart full of food in the middle of Isle 6. Ray had  _called_  her. That couldn’t… there was no way that was good. And so she sped home, breaking more than one law as she hastily called Andie and told him to head home.

When she burst through the front door, she found Ray in the middle of the living room floor, his cellphone gripped tightly in his hands as he frowned down at it and rocked gently back and forth. His whiteboard was propped up against the couch, three words written in bold black letters that made even her blood run cold.

**_JOEL ISN’T ANSWERING._ **


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a terrible person for a) leaving it with that kind of cliffhanger and b) not updating it for so damn long. Actually, it probably hasn't been that long if you're reading it here. Be glad you didn't read it on Tumblr, where the last chapter was ages ago. I'm trying to update more, I swear!

Ray was aware of Caitlin coming home moments after his phone call, and Andy bursting through the door shortly after, but he felt too numb to so much as move, never mind acknowledge them. Caitlin eventually came to sit next to him on the floor. When she spoke, her voice was quiet and calm. “I know you're worried, Ray, but it's going to be okay. Joel's fine, I'm sure of it. You know how disorganized he is, he probably just forgot to bring his charger.”

He knew she was right. He knew that his panic was unjustified, but he couldn't stop his heart from pounding in his chest, or the tightness that made him feel like he couldn't breathe. He _knew_ Joel would come bursting through his door late in the evening, flustered as he apologized for being so stupid and forgetting his charger. Ray _knew_ he was fine, but he couldn't convince himself of it. A part of him worried that Joel had met the same fate as his parents, and the thought alone was crippling.

When Caitlin pulled him into her arms, he didn't argue. She was warm, and the gentle circles she started rubbing on his back were comforting. He could hear Andy in the kitchen, obviously trying to get a hold of _someone_ on the class trip _._ Ray looked at the clock on the DVD player, noticing that it was already half past five. If Joel _was_ okay, he would be on his way to the airport already. The thought calmed him as much as it scared him.

“Do you want me to call Michael, hun?” She asked quietly. Ray shook his head. Michael would be a good distraction, but he didn't want anyone seeing him like this. He didn't want them thinking he was an idiot for worrying about Joel, who could very well take care of himself. “Okay, well… If you change your mind, just tell me and I'll call him.”

Again, Ray nodded. He checked his phone again, and the pain in his chest only worsened. He wanted to know Joel was okay, and he wanted to know _now._ He didn't want the memories of the night his parents died playing in his head in a loop like they were. He had finally stopped having nightmares about it, he didn't _want_ to deal with it anymore.

Time ticked by at a snails pace. Caitlin stayed by his side, and Andy skipped the rest of the day of work. He felt bad having them there, knowing that his dumb anxiety was putting their entire lives on pause. They would never say it, but Ray would always wonder if they resented him, just a little bit. They had to. One minute they were living happily in their cute little house without a worry in the world, and the next they had a broken teenager thrown on their doorstep. He was an inconvenience that they were stuck with for the rest of their lives.

But they would never say that. If he asked, they would probably be appalled the idea. Caitlin would probably start crying, tell him that he was very important to them and that, even though they wished it had been under other circumstances, they were glad to have him as part of their family. Ray wished he could believe it.

Caitlin tried bringing him dinner, but even the thought of it made him feel sick. The closer it got to nine, the more anxious he felt, and the closer he watched the minutes’ tick by. Joel's flight was supposed to get in at 9:45, meaning he could be at their house by 10:15. No later than 11:00. He tried to distract himself with gaming, then homework. He even tried reading his textbooks in hopes of passing the time quicker. Yet every five minutes he found his eyes drifting to the clock on his bedside table. When 10 o’clock finally rolled around he gave up on trying to distract himself and moved to sit at the bottom of the stairs, eyes peeled to the door as the clock in the kitchen ticked away.

Caitlin came and sat next to him after a while. He noticed that she was biting her bottom lip, much like she had when Ray had arrived, and on his first day of school. She was just as worried as he was, which didn't help the growing lump in his throat. When she grabbed his hand, he didn't try to protest. The circles she drew with her thumb were soothing.

There was a knock at the door at 10:32, and Ray felt his heart jump out of his chest. He held his breath as Caitlin hurried to open it. He'd thought a lot about what he was going to do when Joel walked through the door. At first, he thought he would get angry, maybe even slap him for good notice. It wasn't fair of Joel to scare him like that. But as time went on his composure fell and Ray wanted nothing more then to hug him, he’d lecture him later. But now, with Joel standing there panting, worry evident in his features, Ray was frozen.

“Ray,” Joel started, moving past Caitlin without so much as a glance, “I am _so_ sorry.”

And then, without another word, he was in Joel's arms. It was as if all the worry was being drained from him. He breathed in Joel’s sent, the familiarity of him. As hard as it was for him to comprehend, Joel brought an overwhelming sense of… Homeliness. It wasn't something Ray had expected to feel again.

“I'm so sorry,” Joel repeated, “I lost my charger somewhere on the subway. I thought it would last, or I would've bought a new one. I'm sorry.” Ray pulled away, just enough to shake his head. Joel was safe and home, that was all that mattered to him.

“Joel, honey, why don't you stay the night tonight.” Caitlin offered.

“It's okay, I don't want to be any more of a bother…”

“Joel, I insist. It's late, no need to head all the way across town.”

Joel smiled, “Thanks Mrs. Gallagher.”

“Of course. Just try and get some sleep tonight, boys.”

* * *

Despite his worrying, Ray found himself with little to say when they got up to his room. More than anything, he wanted to touch Joel. Which sounded really weird, he realized. It just… it felt like he needed to. Like if he didn’t have constant contact with Joel he’d disappear again and that void would come back. And Ray just couldn’t deal with that. There wasn’t any awkwardness between them on the matter. If Ray was in his right mind he’d be shocked that Joel was the one to pull him into his lap as they sat on Ray’s bed.

“I’m really sorry, Ray.” Joel repeated for what felt like the hundredth time. “I feel like such an ass.”

 _It’s fine,_ Ray typed, _You’re here now, that’s all I care about._

“I never wanted to scare you like that. You’re supposed to be able to trust me to be there for you, always.”

 _I do trust you, Joel._ Ray typed quickly, watching Joel’s face as his eyes scanned the screen. He didn’t like the guilt that was weighing him down now. _Seriously, Joel. Yes, you scared me. But you’re here now, you’re fine. Everything’s fine._

“It’ll never happen again, I swear. I mean it, Ray, I will never—” Ray couldn’t listen to another word of it, so he did the only reasonable thing his brain could think of doing since Joel walked through the front door. He kissed him. At first, Joel didn’t move. But before Ray could start worrying that maybe Joel didn’t reciprocate, a hand was on his waist, pulling him closer until his chest was pressed impossibly closer against Joel’s. When they broke apart, they were both panting. Ray’s glasses had been pushed ajar, and Joel’s hair was messier than it usually was. “Wow,” Joel said, “Okay.”

Ray bit his lip, reaching quickly for his phone, _Sorry, I just…_ He didn’t know what to write. He just… what? He just did what he’d wanted to do since Joel took him out for lunch at Whataburger.

“Don’t apologize, Ray.” Joel smiled, “I’ve wanted to do that for _ages_ , I just didn’t think you did, too.”

 _I didn’t think… I thought you were…_ He frowned at the screen, _I thought you were into girls._

“I’m into whoever I’m into.” Joel said. “And that just so happens to be you.”

_Good, I’m into you, too._

* * *

It was weird, how easy the shift from “best friends” to “boyfriends” was. Ray thought it would be awkward, that he’d spend days worrying about how to act around Joel. In reality, the change was pretty small. They told their friends, half of which handed a five to Jack. Apparently they’d placed a bet on how long it’d take the day Ray had been introduced to them. Then Monday rolled around and, once again, Ray worried about what the boundaries to their new relationship was. Once again, the switch was too easy. Joel held his hand when they were walking in the same direction and sat a little closer than usual at the lunch table. Sometimes he’d press a kiss to Ray’s cheek or forehead. No one at the school really noticed, or if they did they didn’t care.

The only part that _really_ worried Ray was telling Caitlin and Andy. Which he and Joel planned to do after school on Monday. He had suggested waiting a bit, getting used to the feeling of being in a relationship first, but Joel didn’t like the idea of “sneaking around”. Which is how Ray found himself next to Joel at the dinner table, pulling at the hem of his hoodie and Caitlin and Andy got situated across from them. Joel was going to tell them, obviously, but Ray still felt nervous. He didn’t even know if they were okay with… well, with their type of relationship. He was a burden enough already; he didn’t want to make it worse.

“You boys are awfully quiet tonight,” Caitlin said as she handed around the dish of broccoli. “Everything okay?”

“Actually, Mrs. Gallagher,” Joel said, and Ray’s heart dropped into his stomach. “I did want to talk to you about something.”

Caitlin glanced at her husband, who just shrugged, “Go ahead…”

“As of Sunday, Ray and I’s relationship has changed slightly.” Ray couldn’t help but smile at the way he said it. It sounded so… technical. Apparently he wasn’t the only one, as Andy burst into laughter himself.

“I believe a _told-you-so_ is in order,” He told Caitlin, “And someone owes me a coffee.”

Ray shook his head in disbelief. _Not you guys, too._

“It was only a matter of time, sweetie,” Caitlin said, patting his hand lightly, “I had my suspicions that you’d been together a while, Andy guessed that you two just hadn’t gathered the courage yet. Obviously he was right.”

 _So… you’re okay with it?_ Ray asked.

“Of course we’re okay with it, Ray. We can see how happy you make each other.” She replied happily.

“However, we should probably make some boundaries.” Andy said sternly. “I know you’re both mature enough to handle yourselves, and obviously pregnancy isn’t a problem…”

Ray felt himself flush, and when his eyes glanced at Joel he could see the embarrassment clear as day on his face as well. “Mr. Gallagher…”

“Look, kid. I know it’s going to happen at some point. Just… not while we’re here, okay?”

Everyone at the table, including Andy, seemed uncomfortable with the subject, so Ray just nodded. Thankfully, the conversation moved on and Ray was able to enjoy his dinner without talking about—or thinking about—sex with Joel. Except now it was _all_ he was thinking about.

When Joel grabbed his hand under the table, it was like electricity flaring through his body.


End file.
